Mistaken Answers

In March, we felt a clear answer to a prayer. We were concerned about how our kids were coping with Tara’s illness, and from our knees we prayed, asking God with pure intentions to give us wisdom. Within days, we got a call from a friend who is involved in Inheritance of Hope, an organization that helps families who have a parent with a life-threatening or terminal diagnosis. We were offered a Disney retreat with other families in the same situation. That is what is taking place this weekend. There is counseling for the kids and the parents. Perfect.

Today we learned that Tara’s persistent fevers were from an infection in the fluid pockets in her abdomen. She will need a drain tube installed, which could be permanent; as in the rest of her life. Also she will need intravenous antibiotics. The tube will go in tomorrow morning, the antibiotics will begin Wednesday or Thursday. Florida is out. “No chance!” say the doctors. “Tara’s life would be threatened.”

I was dead wrong about that trip being an answer to prayer. It sure seemed right. I don’t understand. Someone said with good intentions, “You have to ask yourself, ‘What is God trying to teach you?’ ” Tara’s response was, “What do you mean? This isn’t about me.” God is sovereign, meaning that he is right just by being who he is. Who are we to question his plans or motives? He cares deeply about us but he knows our ‘best interest’ has everything to do with him.

We are in tough place right now but we are certain to make it. Time won’t stop for us; we have no choice. The sun will rise tomorrow while the world keeps turning, and then the sun will set, and that is one more day down. It will happen. And we will still be here, and that means we made it, right?

Work keeps going with its ever-present demands. The kids still need us for love, training and encouragement. Tara’s health is becoming more and more complex, with the most life-threatening pieces right now not being cancer. But God is faithful and he will provide for us somehow….again. Maybe it will begin with a glimmer of hope from an encouraging word or a sunny day. Maybe the word of God will speak to us again in a perfect way. Stay tuned, because I am sure it will happen, even though we can’t see any way right now.


17 thoughts on “Mistaken Answers

  1. For all of us the inheritance of hope is only found in the living faith in Jesus Christ (not in Florida- which you all know, yet trust me in that statement). He is our inheritance and our hope. Sad about the infection. Glad they can do something about it with the drugs and drain to make you feel better physically. Your faith in The Lord and your fear of The Lord is your strength. Our God is a God who saves. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being RENEWED day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we FIX our eyes not on what is SEEN but what is UNSEEN. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed but don’t despair, persecuted but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed. My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. His Power. Our weakness. Trust. Rest. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Thank you for being a reflection of Christ’s love today Tara-

    • We continue to pray for Tara during her recovery. May God give her the strength to persevere and may her infection be treated quickly by the medical team. We also pray for Jay to continue to provide Love and support to Tara and their children during this difficult time.

  2. So sorry to hear of this latest development. The mom in me just wants to make it all better for you, Tara. Instead, I echo Tracy’s beautiful words of encouragement and know in my heart that interceding on your behalf to the Father is the most beneficial thing any of us can do. And so, prayers going heavenward now and throughout the day……..Hugs!

  3. We are so sorry to hear of this new stumbling block for everyone. I am so thankful that you live in the best medical city in the world! I am really @ a loss for words just know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Love and prayers abound from CL.All our love Aunt Cathy & Uncle Mike

  4. I’m following as a friend of a friend (I take care of Angela Morgan’s youngest, and we have multiple other mutual friends). I’m sorry for another disappointment for you and the family. Praying for your family.

  5. Jay, I learned pretty early on “not to listen” (too closely) to the “spiritual” wisdom of others. The best one for me was, “But Janet, heaven is a wonderful place!” My response was, “Yes, I know, but I wasn’t planning on getting there quite this soon!” Tara’s response was brilliant. Good friends helped me get through my journey but there were moments when I had to switch off. Stuff happens! That’s life ……. So disappointing but when we are talking “life”…..well, it’s nothing. Of course, I’m sure the children are disappointed, yet in the end, they’d take their mother any day. Incidentally, our children were 4 and 5 years old at the time. I know that it impacted them, but it made them stronger not weaker.

  6. Maybe the answer to prayer was the encouragement you enjoyed when you learned of and anticipated the trip. Though for a little while, it was a lovely distraction, and all of you were able to look ahead to it. That, in and of itself, was a blessing. In no way do I mean to diminish the impact of the disappointment with this set back. I am certain it is huge–and justifiably so! Here again, Jesus suffers with you in your frustration and loss. Praying for efficient relief from pain and infection. So sorry it continues to be hard.

  7. May we, fellow believers, be ever so careful as to how we encourage those in the midst of great trials. Job’s friends, though well intended as they were, are rebuked by the Lord for their utterly wrong presentation of who God is. Jay and Tara, may you continue to find rest today in Him who is the same yesterday and today and forevermore. Lewis, you are in our thoughts this week as you and Silas share the same birthday on Thursday! Happy Birthday buddy! We remain in prayer for you all. Fight on…

  8. So sorry to hear that Tara has an infection and you are unable to take this trip. I know everyone was looking forward to it. The good news is: they found the source of infection and are treating it; Tara is alive and still fighting the good fight; you are all together as a family and the weather is getting warmer. Florida is much nicer in the winter as a getaway place, although my mom lives there year around. Be encouraged and take courage, for the Lord your God goes before you. He has you all in the palm of his hand. Psalm 139 – our morning devotion today at school. My kids loved hearing it in story form, that I found in the church library. I had forgotten my children’s Bible and was going to have to take them back to our classroom to get it. We have our group time in the fellowship hall, because we have a limited use permission for our classroom. We can’t be there more than an hour a day. I walked over to the library and found the book – God is always with me. It was perfect, just like God’s word to us. Be strong and courageous – Joshua 1:9. We love you and are praying for you.

  9. Just attended a cancer benefit for local women and this was on the napkin “She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of what the future holds.” Proverbs This is Tara also Love Us B’s

  10. Detours in life are hard to take especially when things are already difficult. Perhaps if you can’t go to Disney we can bring Disney to you! I know you have a lovely movie theater room and some Princess costumes and treats could certainly be delivered! Adjusting the lense and making lemonaid out of lemons is a huge part of beating chronic illness.

    I also loved that you brought up the sunrise and sunsets…. We try to enjoy each and everyone as a family. When you walk the “valley”the sky is brighter, the flowers more spectacular – the trees 😉 more magnificent! Lift your eyes to the “son” he knows your every heartache and knows you need rest. His strength is perfect!

    We love ALL of you! Prayers tonight from our house to yours!

  11. The above posts are speechless and you have some awesome friends. I am sure Glad God has given them the words to pass on. I was excited to hear about your trip from Louis at my garage sale on Sat. He was so excited about spending his fortune aka gift card. He also informed me you were on a date. I was so excited to hear this and then realized what date you were on after talking to Dakota. At least they can do something to help ease pain and they know what the problem is. I am sure the kids were looking forward to this trip which will happen someday but they are also learning a lesson of life. We don’t always get what we want even though we deserve it. God does have his plan and timing for everything. We have been praying and thinking about you a lot. It seems like someone always has a cold of some sort in our house. So we have been keeping our distance. You know how that goes.

    Thanks for the updates and making us realize what life is all about.

  12. “It isn’t about me.” Oh, Tara, thank you for the reminder! Often I’ve wondered if God “allowed” my daughter, Breanna, to survive last summer’s car accident because he knew my faith wasn’t strong enough to handle losing her. Would my testimony have been different if the outcome had not been favorable? But then I’m reminded, it isn’t about me. It’s all about an awesome God who has a much bigger plan…….even bigger than a trip to Disney.

    Jay, Isaiah enjoyed seeing you on Sunday. As we walked out of church he casually wiped his eyes and said, “I’m glad I saw Jay. I had forgotten how much I missed him.” I am thankful that my son has men in his life that point him to Jesus!

    We continue to pray for healing, absence of pain, and strength for all of you.

  13. Tara and Jay, I too am sorry for this disappointment. Having missed a family vacation to Disneyland this past spring break due to my cancer complications–I know it can be hard for the whole family to have things just cancelled. I also know what it is like having a drain for infections in the abdominal cavity. I had a drain for a few months a few years ago–but it wasn’t permanent. Did its job and finally one day–out it came. You kind of get used to it after a bit and the routine of the medical aspect of it as a husband and wife team….. The Mayo CT imaging team for the drain was always so helpful and cheerful and gentle. I wish you a good experience.

    You remain in my prayers. And yes, Tara, I agree…its not all about me ( think of the Cutless song). But others can see Christ through you—so that makes it all about HIM. You are a strong and beautiful family (whom I have never had the pleasure to meet) but I am cheering for you. I know God is cheering for you. -mm

  14. Jesus said it best: Blessed are those who have not seen, yet believe.” You are his blessed friends. You are living examples. Thank you….

  15. “A message came to Elijah from the Lord. He said, ‘Elijah, what are you doing here?’

    He replied, ‘Lord God who rules over all, I’ve been very committed to you. The people of Israel have turned their backs on your covenant. They have torn down your altars. They’ve put your prophets to death with their swords. I’m the only one left. And they are trying to kill me.’

    ‘The Lord said, ‘Go out. Stand on the mountain in front of me. I am going to pass by.’

    As the Lord approached, a very powerful wind tore the mountains apart. It broke up the rocks. But the Lord wasn’t in the wind.

    After the wind there was an earthquake. But the Lord wasn’t in the earthquake.

    After the earthquake a fire came. But the Lord wasn’t in the fire.

    And after the fire there was only a gentle whisper.”

    ~ I Kings 19:9-12

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