Work conflicts with home day after day. The mental battle rages even though it shouldn’t. In light of Tara’s sickness, I have tried to find significance in work, but it is hard. I would love to just not be there as much. What could I let go of? Should I not return my calls? Should I not make it to my appointments? Should not care about and manage the money in the company? Should I not manage and care for the employees? Should I not nurture relationships? Should I only do a half-way job? All these things take so much time.
Work really is a release for me. When there, I am efficient, measurably productive, engaged, and I don’t typically think about home. It feels great to be in that element. But when I get home, I see what I missed, again, and I resent work for what it took from me.
Day after day I feel this tension. But I am realizing that maybe it’s okay. A cell phone tower has support cables in 3 or 4 directions. The cables are under tension and the tower remains upright. If there was 1 side without tension, the tower would fall. So maybe I need this healthy tension; wanting to be home, wanting to be at work, wanting to tend to my wife, wanting to help my children. If I ignore any of these, the tower could fall.
A wise man once told me that I should not prioritize God first, family second, work third, etc. Life is about the lordship of Christ over every aspect of life. So here I go trying to do that. Good luck, right? Good thing I don’t get too bummed out by failure. If I did, I would be a depressed man. Instead, I actually am learning and can see progress.