It was one of those days. I honestly don’t have too many of these but this was a perfect storm. I lost my cool with the kids. I was in the doghouse with the whole family for shooting the cat with a BB gun to prevent it from getting some baby birds (the cat was fine). I yelled at the dog for demanding Tara’s attention ( I think I was jealous). I had a really crappy attitude with my wife. And to top it off, I missed the fact, earlier in the day, that it was her birthday.
If I had a white flag I’d have been waving it as I crawled into bed that evening. I didn’t even wait for Tara as I was certain she wouldn’t want to talk to me. I laid there trying to sleep while I listened to her getting ready for bed. As she was near the edge of the bed I mumbled, “Sorry.” “What?” “Sorry for being liked this.”
Grace has been a concept known to me for many decades. While mercy is not getting what you do deserve, grace is getting what you don’t deserve. It is unmerited favor, typically by God, because people aren’t very good at it. I have always approached grace with thankfulness, and with my tail between my legs. But this night, Tara stretched my understanding of this beautiful gift.
She said, “It’s okay. I forgive you. You are not meeting my needs as a husband. And I know I’m not meeting yours as your wife. Why don’t we just enjoy the fact that we get to experience each other’s grace during this season. We extend it to each other.” Reveling in grace shouldn’t have been a new concept for me, but it was. It was beautiful and so relieving. Understanding God’s grace this way has been a joy to consider. The joy of experiencing grace is really good.
Tara has scans and chemo this week. Having missed the last two weeks, this round is the double dose. Big breath! We are optimistic and also dreading the discomfort Tara will experience. It will pass, we know. We will certainly get to extend plenty of grace to each other this week. I am more hopeful with that thought.