If you were a fly on our wall this evening you would have been less than impressed with my patience in parenting. With Tara laid up I was reminded that I should pin a blue ribbon on any single parent I know. What an incredibly hard job they have.
My mind has not been able to function at a high level over the last two weeks. While some would say it is normal in this situation, I know my family needs me to be able to make good decisions for them. It is humbling to say that I need help, but I do. Evidently people knew this 2-3 weeks before I figured it out. At first the meals, cleaning, laundry help and the gift cards were a nice “treat”. Now I realize they are essential for me to be a good husband and father.
Overall the weekend has been great so far. The fly on the wall would see that a bit of normalcy pervaded in our home. We had a great time worshiping at Autumn Ridge although Tara was not there. Every word of every song impactful. Every teaching from His word significant. Every relationship sweet. You cannot stare cancer in the face or watch a loved one suffer like this, and not ask yourself if you really mean the words you sing or believe the words you hear. We mean it and we believe it.
Tara is not able to get up and move around a lot yet. She is still quite tired and weak from chemotherapy. She still wears her smile quite well, even though she feels like her body is temporarily failing. In the honesty of our bedroom, the fly on the wall would see that we still have things to laugh about but also some things to cry about, most from physical pain, slow healing, or thoughts of loneliness.
God has been faithful to sustain us again today. We trust where he is taking us.