The Fly on the Wall

If you were a fly on our wall this evening you would have been less than impressed with my patience in parenting. With Tara laid up I was reminded that I should pin a blue ribbon on any single parent I know. What an incredibly hard job they have.

My mind has not been able to function at a high level over the last two weeks. While some would say it is normal in this situation, I know my family needs me to be able to make good decisions for them. It is humbling to say that I need help, but I do. Evidently people knew this 2-3 weeks before I figured it out. At first the meals, cleaning, laundry help and the gift cards were a nice “treat”. Now I realize they are essential for me to be a good husband and father.

Overall the weekend has been great so far. The fly on the wall would see that a bit of normalcy pervaded in our home. We had a great time worshiping at Autumn Ridge although Tara was not there. Every word of every song impactful. Every teaching from His word significant. Every relationship sweet. You cannot stare cancer in the face or watch a loved one suffer like this, and not ask yourself if you really mean the words you sing or believe the words you hear. We mean it and we believe it.

Tara is not able to get up and move around a lot yet. She is still quite tired and weak from chemotherapy. She still wears her smile quite well, even though she feels like her body is temporarily failing. In the honesty of our bedroom, the fly on the wall would see that we still have things to laugh about but also some things to cry about, most from physical pain, slow healing, or thoughts of loneliness.

God has been faithful to sustain us again today. We trust where he is taking us.


13 thoughts on “The Fly on the Wall

  1. Dear Tara & Jay,
    So sorry – we just heard today what you have been going through the past few weeks and wanted to let you know that you & your family are in our thoughts & prayers! Please let us know if there is anything we can help with as we are just down the road. May God give you much strength for your journey ahead!
    – Annette & Jim Kelly

  2. Blue ribbons to you – what an incredibly hard job YOU have, and with what humility, grace, and aplomb you are doing it. Beautiful thoughts beautifully written, Jay. I am deeply humbled and appreciative to be a fly on your wall. Thank you for giving us a glimpse of His grace in your lives.

  3. Dear Jay and Tara,
    I am sorry that you have to walk this journey. One of my favorite Scripture references, during time of physical exhaustion due to chronic pain, is Isaiah 40:28-31. I cherish the times I am refreshed when I soar on “wings of eagles”, as I hope in Him and he renews my strength. I pray you both will experience that peace and joy, during this time of pain and agony. He is faithful.
    The verses read as follows: “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youth grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall: but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” I seek these words everyday that I am unsure if I can handle everything on my plate, and have never failed to be encouraged and strengthened by the hope and truth in them. We continue to lift you up each day, praying that God will provide you with the strength and power to see yourself through the day.
    Love in Him,

    Sharon Love

  4. Self sufficiency is non existent in the realm of spiritual community. It’s the world that constantly encourages us to be more and do more, but in Jesus the most efficient thing is to put Him first and trust Him. He’s taught me this time and time again and yet I still get overwhelmed with the “stuff” that seemingly “has to” get done. I’m praying that in everything you will all hold to the joy of an eternal perspective. It’s the only perspective that makes sense out of seemingly senseless and difficult times. He is awesome. And let us never forget that one day EVERY knee shall bow and EVERY tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. This overshadows everything doesn’t it? You are living out this confession of Jesus so thank you…and you’re both having to surrender in different ways. I have to tell you this Tara…as I checked in Anthony today I thought of you being there because that’s when I would often run into you. I missed you and prayed for you in that moment. I had a similar moment in Target, in the candy aisle :). It was such an encouragement to see Jay and kids sitting in the service today. (And the crowd of encouragers around them!) We all appreciate this journal so much- this journaling DOES let us be flies on the wall 🙂 thank you

  5. I remember my affliction and my wandering,
    the bitterness and the gall.
    I well remember them,
    and my soul is downcast within me.
    Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:
    Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
    They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
    I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”
    The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
    to the one who seeks him;
    It is good to wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.
    It is good for a man to bear the yoke
    while he is young.
    Let him sit alone in silence,
    for the Lord has laid it on him.
    Let him bury his face in the dust—
    there may yet be hope.
    Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
    and let him be filled with disgrace.
    For no one is cast off
    by the Lord forever.
    Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
    so great is his unfailing love.

    ~ Lamentations 3:19-32

  6. Good morning. I hope you had a restful night’s sleep. I understand how you feel Jay – in terms of single parenting. I was a single parent for 6 1/2 years and know how tiring it can be. It’s okay to struggle and accept help. I still struggle with asking for help. I think it’s God’s way of teaching us what it means to be in fellowship and community with other believers. It keeps us humble and ever dependent on the Father. As your household struggles because of Tara’s illness, ours struggles due to financial difficulties – nothing new. You can pray for additional work hours for my husband if you would. Sharing our burdens and praying for other’s burdens is what living as family is all about. I am grateful for the opportunity to stand with you and Tara during this difficult time. I would not wish this walk on anyone having been through it myself. I continue to pray for complete healing and restoration for Tara, and for strength for you all. May God in His great mercy give us grace and daily bread, that we might testify of His greatness. God is good all the time, in spite of circumstances. God is not finished with us yet – Praise His Holy Name! I love you both. Keep loving on each other.

  7. Your walk through this major trial is so encouraging. Thank you for opening up so we can take a peek into your family’s life. What we see is that you’re suffering well … Praise God! Your NM family loves you, big brother. Not a day goes by that we fail to pray for you all often. Wish we were closer to help.

  8. Praying for you and your family. Give yourself some grace in parenting, children can learn more from a mistake and heartfelt apology than perfect parenting.

  9. Good morning Tara and Jay, We are so glad you are back home Tara. As I’m sure you realize…there’s no place as good as home.
    Hope you felt me clapping for you, Jay, as I visualized you wearing so many hats these days. It reminded me of years ago when a young father of 3 girls sat in front of us at church. The girls were all smiles and so proud to share with me how their dad had braided their hair that morning……. perfect no, but the girls didn’t care what it looked like, only that their dad loved them enough to try.
    We continue to pray for more strength and healing each and every day….. Sending love and hugs your way, Aunt Barb

  10. Jay and Tara,

    Brad just called me this morning to tell me that he just read on FaceBook that Tara wasn’t well and that there was a blog to explain things. I’ve since read through much of your posts and am thankful for the support of family and friends that you have loving on you both and your children too.

    You two pop into Brad and my conversations from time to time. Jay, you blessed Brad by not just teaching him how to play the guitar well, but also by being a man that loved God and made God known in your everyday moments. Brad admires the love you have for God and that has encouraged him even as it has been many years since being around you.

    Tara, my memory of you, while I watched you in church growing up, was the joy you always had. You wore a smile so well and I don’t remember ever seeing you without it.

    I will continue to pray for your family. That God would be made much of as you live out the joys and sorrows of today and the tomorrows. How great that God is mighty, so mighty that He will kindly care for your every need. Knowing the good that God is working out in your family blesses this family.

    Love to the 7 Maiers!
    Lynette Grimm

  11. Our hearts ache for the changes that have and will continue to happen during this journey. As you said, God is so faithful (Lam 3:22-23) and HE will always be there even when it doesn’t appear that HE is.
    Jay, I know God has a sense of humor when it comes to reversing our roles. I failed miserably numerous times over the years, but I tried, cried, and asked for help. I praise God for how the “family of faith” rolled up their sleeves and were His hands and feet.
    Just want you to know that both of you are constantly on my mind and I pray often that HE will continue to give you peace, strength, healing, and hope. Also, our Billings church family is faithfully praying.
    One of my favorite verses, in facing challenges and the enemies attacks, is Heb. 12:2 NIV ..”.Fix your eyes on JESUS….”. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the happenings that I see. God wants me to fix my eyes on HIM so I can try to see things from His viewpoint. Easier said than done.
    Keeping on keeping on my knees! Uncle Gary

  12. I’ve prayed often today that this no school day allowed for a relaxed day for your family. Todd spent the day smoking 60 pounds of meat and I can’t wait to share some with your family when I bring a meal on Sunday! It looks like you have had some pulled pork and shredded beef lately, so how does spare ribs sound? I’m also wondering if I can bring any of the kids to church on Thursday for our night to fill backpacks. We live close, so it is no trouble swinging by to pick them up.

  13. Come, O Lord, to be the head of my household, and the unifier in my family. Let my home be a haven of comfort and joy. Let my love for those closest to me be the special love that you alone can give. Amen

    This was a prayer listed in a daily devotion that I read today. Jay, I know that that fly on the wall also has seen what I have seen, and that is; a family that is quick to acknowledge that their love & unity comes from one source & one source only. That your family is bound together trough the love of Christ, where Christ is the King & Ruler, & it is easy to feel God’s blessing. Where there is no conflict or problem that can upset the blessing that God puts upon a faithful household. Where there is a special peace, which God offers to those households who draw upon His love in order to share it with others. In the devotion it also said that it is often harder to keep peace and care with those closet to us, but with God’s help it can be the most blessed peace of all. My dear brother in law, you have done an amazing job with taking care of your family and giving them not only your love, but more importantly you have shared Christ’s love with them, and it is this love that will carry you when you need it to! I will keep praying for His strength, patience, & peace to lift you when you need it most.

    Tara is not the only one fighting this battle. Jay, I know you like a good action movie, so it is like a war movie. Tara has the point, and taking most of the brunt of battle, however, we (all of her family & friends that love her) are the soldiers in her company or platoon. And we too will have battle wounds that will hurt, we will also get battle fatigue. However, we will have each other to lean on and ask for help when we need it, not to mention a awesome Commander in Chief (Christ) to lean on & lead us through this battle.

    Tara, I am glad to hear you finally got some good sleep. I pray that you get plenty of rest and are able to eat and build your strength to help your body heal. Being home and having those 5 beautiful munchkins around you will also do well for you. I remember when I was sick, I loved having my little baby sister cuddling next to me (you were younger than Lewis is) it just brought this peace to me that words cannot really express. The 7 Maiers are in my constant prayers, I love you all so much


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