Feeling Truth

Have you ever been somewhere and felt like someone was watching you? Or that you were supposed to be somewhere but forgot? Or you felt for your keys in your pocket and you briefly think, “Oh no, I locked my keys in the car!”, but then realize you had put them in a coat pocket. All those feelings are based on something that is not fact. They’re mind games. They affect your emotion for a brief time and then you get a sense of relief when you realize the truth.

I have had feelings over the last few weeks that give me that same uneasiness. I gasp for a moment and hope my mind is playing tricks on me. It is not as bad as the feeling of waking up thinking my reality was just a nightmare, which I have also done a time or two. Tara and I talk about our feelings often. We try to identify them, but do a poor job at it. When Tara learned of her condition, the way she described it was like looking at a huge mountain she had to climb and trying to figure out how to reach the summit. Its a sick-in-the-gut feeling of, “Oh crap, this is going to hurt.”

But we try not to rely on how we feel. Feelings can betray. We recognize that in our marriage; that love doesn’t always depend on how we feel about each other. We recognize that in our walk with God, that he is with us no matter how we feel. But truth never betrays. And the Bible is full of the truth that God has a plan for our family, He loves us, He chose to send us down this road, He will provide for us, He will comfort us, He will refine us.

The truth of our new life is slowly sinking in. We sat in a room earlier where others were also receiving chemotherapy. It kind of seemed normal in there. We are in “go mode” now and simply do the things we have to do. It is one step in front of the other on the trek up the huge mountain. This is how it will be. We cannot be in despair, or wish it away. We have to live well and bring glory to God in this season of our life.


14 thoughts on “Feeling Truth

  1. It is a good thing that God is in control, and He is trustworthy. So glad you have some of your strength back and could have chemo today! Know I am available to take you to chemo if there is ever an opening. The hair is adorable!

  2. Just woke up with Tara on my mind. Spent some time praying for all of you. Keep on climbing one foot in front of the other Tara! Also, don’t forget to ask for support – people want to lighten the load for you. We love you!

  3. The sun keeps coming up every morning. No matter how you feel or what you’re going through, there’s still only so many hours in one day. Whether we feel like facing the day or not, it comes anyway. And it’s amazing how The Lord carries you through each one – and some days you feel like you can walk it and be okay. There’s blessing in the fact that each day keeps coming. (Even when you kimd of want it to stop so you can catch your breath) I just remember being keenly aware of this. Going up that huge mountain reminds me of watching the Tour de France with Luis. All of us, your friends and family, are the crowds surrounding the path. It’s amazing the multitudes here to cheer you on, tell you we love you and encourage you when times are unbearably tough. Hey this just gave me an idea. Anyway, praying for the nause to stay away, and your spirit to be encouraged. You are going to spend time resting to let that medicine do what it must to make you better. We’re here for you and constantly praying for you. Tara, you are an amazing woman.

  4. Good Morning, Tara, Jay and family,
    Mom (Grandmother and I) had the joy of sitting with you, Tara, yesterday and hanging out after your chemo treatment and marveled at how much stronger and vivacious you were. Our hearts leaped with gladness as we interacted with you and watched you carry on small tasks throughout the afternoon. My wish was that the hundreds/ thousands who have been following your journey on the blog could have looked in on those moments with you. They all would have been filled with praise for the God who heals. Your voice was strong as you greeted your children upon their return from school, you asked about their day and homework, loved on them and carried on as if the mountain you’ve encountered wasn’t even there. You didn’t take a nap, you were up frequently and monitored your children’s home schooling activities with zeal. Oh, how I wish that others could have seen and heard what we shared. They would have seen you well upon your way up the slopes gathering strength and speed as you climbed…and they, too, would have been filled with such hope and joy that only praise and love would encompass them. Keep climbing, Tara, the summit is in view.

  5. Good Morning,

    My name is Suzanne Grisham, and I am from Kansas City. I am not sure if I have this correct or not, but my very good friend, Sharon Neely, is a cousin to one of your best friends…I think.

    Anyway, Sharon told me of your new journey, and I want you to know that I am lifting you and your family up in prayer everyday. I just completed the same journey, and with God by your side, you too, will make this journey. I finished up a series of 6 chemo treatments at the end of December, and found out in January, that my cancer is officially in remission. PRAISE GOD from whom all blessings flow!!!! Yes, there will be days when you feel discouraged, but I truly believe that God never gives us more than we, with his help and graces. can handle. As I said, I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Prayer is so powerful, and many miracles come about as a result of our prayers. God’s blessing to you, Tara!!

    Suzanne Grisham

  6. Perhaps this isn’t a very encouraging thing to say, but sometimes the truth just sucks! But thanks to our merciful Savior, we can handle the truth. And normal, even when it is a new normal that we would never choose, is something we can settle into and eventually embrace. You’ll be impressed, I think, by the strength you will give and receive from those surrounding you as you pass through chemo “together”.
    God’s peace, Becca Murray.

  7. I just wanted to share the “inspirational verse for the day” that came up on my phone with you; “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you. He will never allow the righteous to be moved. Psalm 55:22.

  8. Jude 24 ” Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy.”

    Like you said Jay, feelings and emotions can betray and sway us. The word of God stands true – ALWAYS. Christ keeps us from stumbling. He guards us from anything that would separate us from Him in this life, so we can claim assurance that we shall live with Him forever.

    May you always hang onto His word for direction. God bless.

  9. As I read your post the following verse kept coming to mind.

    “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” Phil 4:8

    ……..and then I recalled that Isaiah had memorized this verse last year and I believe it was you that challenged him to do so.

    I praise God that, as we think on truths and not feelings, we know that Tara is HIS! We KNOW that he loves His children. And we KNOW that He knows HIS plan for each of us.

    Continuing to pray!

  10. After traveling for the last 10 days I caught up with all the blogs. Each one a real sign of your and Tara’s range of emotions, bravery and strength. I continue to be touched by your blogs and your sharing. Tara is showing such a sweet spirit in all of her pain, nausea and weakness. I feel sure she will start having more good days. I liked your haircut. It was very becoming on you and I know you will also be beautiful bald. Hair isn’t everything. Your smile and sweet spirit are so much more significant.
    Assure your parents and siblings of our thoughts for them as we know they are feeling pain and concern for the “7Maiers” and we are too.
    We hope this is one of those good days and many more to come.
    June Newkirk

  11. Thank you for being so transparent on this journey. All seven of you continue to bless us and challenge us to be strong and take courage in what ever God has called us to do. May He bless you by caring this yoke with each of you. Matt 11:25-30. Each of you one on one with Jesus.

  12. As humans, the feeling of being alienated from God is all too common. We allow our sin, unbelief and circumstances to shape our perception of God’s love for and acceptance of us in Jesus Christ and crowd out the assurances and promises of God’s Word.

    As One who was fully God and fully man, the Lord Jesus sympathizes with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15). At his most desperate moment on the cross, Jesus cried, “My God, my God. Why have You forsaken me?” It must have overwhelmed His humanity when all of our sin was laid upon Him. For the first time in His earthly life, He felt the sting of separation from God. And it was not even HIS sin for, even in His humanity, He had never sinned Himself.

    As a baby Christian, I “grew up” hearing that God had turned His back on Jesus at that fateful moment. With dramatic flair, I was told that God couldn’t stand the sight of sin on His Son and that Jesus was alone on the cross as He bore our sins. Not so, according to God’s word:

    “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.”

    ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17-21

    Jesus was God’s “tool” of reconciliation. Anyone who’s operated a tool or instrument knows that it needs an operator. It doesn’t perform its function of its own volition. I think of oil changes, which I do myself. I’ve never had a mess-free oil changing experience. Sure it’s easier to drive one of our vehicles somewhere and sit in a fairly comfortable waiting area reading Good Housekeeping or shopping for nothing in particular while waiting for someone else to do the messy job of changing the oil. Using the wrench to remove the plug, draining the oil, changing the filter is what getting down and dirty is all about.

    God the Father did not outsource the job of our reconciliation to Him in Christ. He didn’t “step away” while the job was being done. He got “under the hood.” He was present. He was active. It cost Him.

    We must know truth in or bones before we are able to “feel” it. In the midst of pain, uncertainty and doubt, ask God to remember who you are to Him and that you belong to Him. As it’s often the case while I write these posts, there is a song playing in the background that seems to connect with what I am trying to say. Here it is:

    “Remind Me Who I Am” – Jason Gray

    When I lose my way,
    And I forget my name
    Remind me who I am
    In the mirror all I see
    Is who I don’t wanna be
    Remind me who I am

    In the loneliest places
    When I can’t remember what grace is

    Tell me, once again who I am to You, who I am to You
    Tell me, lest I forget Who I am to You, that I belong to You, to You

    When my heart is like a stone,
    And I’m running far from home
    Remind me who I am
    When I can’t receive Your love
    Afraid I’ll never be enough
    Remind me who I am

    If I’m Your beloved
    Can You help me believe it

    Tell me, once again who I am to You, who I am to You
    Tell me, lest I forget Who I am to You, that I belong to You, to You

    I’m the one You love
    I’m the one You love
    That will be enough
    I’m the one You love

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