Saturday. Our Sabbath. A day that we rest and worship. We look forward to this day all week. Unlike last week, Tara had the strength to go to church. Being there with her is still powerful for me. It forces me to closely examine the words I hear, sing and say there. Will I say things I don’t believe? No. Rather, I say it with a flood of emotion. Like a grateful patriot uttering the pledge of allegiance or singing the national anthem. Tears often stream. Like a groom saying his vows, looking into the eyes of his bride. Weeping is common. When the words connect so deeply with what you feel.
If I had the perspective of this page of our lives when I spoke the words “… for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…”, I would have wept a river. I would have looked Tara in the eyes and said, “We can make it. I love you and I want to take this journey with you.” The hardship is easily worth our family and our love.
Tara’s battle now is to gain strength. Her body is no longer in survival mode only. There is room for more. She is working on eating less but more often, eating the right foods, and pushing her stamina. Its tiring and the progress is slow. But it is there. Her distended belly is starting to shrink, meaning it is holding less fluid. The shingles, well they’re a pain in the butt, literally. But this too shall pass.
She is able to love life. I washed her hair tonight, at least what’s left of it. I told her that my hands looked like I dipped them in glue then grabbed a gorilla. Covered in hair. That could have gone either way, but she laughed…thankfully. She hears many times daily that she is beautiful. Lewis has been a great comforter, often rubbing her shoulders and saying, “Mom, I love you. Can I pray for you?” Having Jenna, Andrean and Esther cuddle with her today while watching a movie blessed her. She says how much more she appreciates things, and how she will never take for granted the little things, like easily going to the bathroom, or getting dressed, or anything else that is more difficult right now. This was the mood of her day. Gratefulness. Appreciation. Joy.
So now she sleeps. Another day down in the battle. We are going to make it. Thank you God for daily sustaining us and reminding us of your goodness.