Her Insides

Tara was describing her day to me. Blood work. CT scan. Drinking the nasty puke water then getting some other stuff pumped into her veins to contrast the images of her insides. After the scan, Tara had severe pain through her body. “Way worse than childbirth pains”. Tara’s pretty tough, so when she says she hollered it means something. She thought she freaked some people out; some “skinny, bald woman moaning in pain” after a scan that should be painless. Thankfully by the time she was telling me the story she was laughing about it. Must have been the shingles.

It is amazing all the different ways to find out what’s inside a person. Xray. CT scan. MRI. Ultrasound. Cameras through any orifice. Surgery and more. Tara has had nearly all of them. They could have saved a bunch of money and just asked me. It’s two thirds heart and half guts.

Tara told me today that she needs me to celebrate the little daily victories with her more. I guess I have been trying to look too far ahead. Maybe that is why I feel disoriented at times. I can’t see where I am going that far ahead. A good result is not enough in my mind, because next week we have more tests. And remission may not be good enough for me if I am thinking about the next scan in 6 months. So I will keep trying to enjoy each moment. To celebrate each day as another one down. Each good test result as a victory that day.

The steadfast love of The Lord never ceases. His mercies shall never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness God. Thank you for sustaining us again today.


6 thoughts on “Her Insides

  1. hi guys just want to encourage you as you continue to look for the Lord’s mercies being new every morning. Kevin has been struggling with severe Crohn’s disease for 9 years and although it is not stage 4 cancer the health issues that we confront a lot really affect the rhythm of our life. he has been in the hospital for the last 9 days just had surgery yesterday and praise God they were able to remove a fistula and some diseased area of his intestines. We want to encourage you that through this God has made our marriage stronger, we continue to cry out to Him and we do have to celebrate every day just living in this day with what God has for us. it can get exhausting but I continue to thank God that He is faithful even when our emotions do not line up with that. You guys are an inspiration and you are in our prayers daily out here in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado

  2. Hi Jay and Tara~Sending hugs to you this evening. I wanted to let you know that my ladies’ Bible study group is praying here for Tara, and today, one of the ladies came up to me and told me that she thinks of Tara and prays for her often throughout her day as the Lord brings her to mind. I thought that was really cool, and then another lady chimed in that the Lord is continually bringing Tara to her mind to pray for her, too!! I wanted you to know that people who haven’t even met you are praying for you, too!! We sure do love you guys and we are keeping you close in our prayers, as well.
    With love from your Kansas City cousins,
    Laura (…and Gary)

  3. How is it that WE are encouraged by your faithfulness and precious love for each other? And Tara is right, don’t look out too far ahead of God. Our wise Father knows when we are going to need things and He gives us the strength we need when we need it…just in time. Blessings and prayers are being sent on your behalf from Iowa (Alicia’s parents)

  4. Jay, I think you should ask the girls about your statement ” It’s two thirds heart and half guts.” When you add 2/3 + 1/2, you get more than a whole. So, I now know why Tara has always been spilling out love whenever I’ve seen her. She’s overflowing.

    Lots of love and prayers to you, Jay. We are all reading your blog regularly and growing in faith because of how He’s showing himself to us through your experience.

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