Tuesday night. Story night, remember? I read. The kids sit and listen. Right? Well tonight, they were kind of distracted. But they did it knowing it was important to us. We started reading the first of 8 chapters in a new book. Within 2 pages I was delirious. The pauses between my sentences began to grow. My eyes got heavy, and at each page turn, I hoped to see the chapter end. But I pressed on. Only once did Jenna say, when the pause was 5 seconds long, “Dad! Keep reading.” I snapped out of it, then fought it again. But when I was done, they wanted to keep going, or at least find out what happens in the end. But I made them wait because that is how I can get them back next Tuesday.
Tara and I want to know the end of our story. Especially me. I at least want to know the direction we are headed and plan for it. But the pages are turned one at a time. Each day is told one at a time. We can guess where it will end up but that is kind of silly, because who really knows. So we trust in God. He lights up the next step of our path and we take it. One at a time. And we have to trust in his goodness, love, mercy and grace. He loves us deeply, and desires good things for us. He knows the end of the story but makes us wait, because that is how he can keep us depending on him day after day.
Tonight, Micalyn had some despair about tomorrow. She gets home from track in time to shower and eat then go to church. Very little time for homework. She asked for us to ease the burden and let her miss track. We answered her with love saying “no”, knowing she is the one who has to temporarily “suffer”. But the end result is that she learns to be disciplined, to not despair, to work hard, to stay focused and so on. She cannot see how it will help her, but we do. It would be silly for us to let her make the decision because she would take the easy road and would be the worse for it.
God knows we would also take the easy road if we had the choice, and we would be the worse for it. Thank you God for guiding us in this trial. We trust you.
Prayed today that all would go according to the doctors plans. I realized I had been praying for a miracle….I have not stopped that, but I also realized (as I was also praying for a friend who was undergoing a serious operation today), that I should be praying in a similar way for Tara…..the her body would respond in the way the doctors are hoping and that the doctors wisdom and expertise would be good enough to beat this! Our God is an AWESOME God, and you both are an awesome reflection!
This reminds me of what it’s like to walk at night with a flashlight: you can only see as far as the light is able to penetrate the darkness. This can be a blessing because maybe there are scarey things—things we’re better off not knowing about—that aren’t apparent to us. God, in his mercy, reveals our journey, our story, a little bit at a time. And he provides what we need to make it through each portion.
So thankful for yesterday’s encouraging news. Rejoicing today in the peace you are able to experience while taking the story one page at a time.
Thank you so much for sharing……..we continue to pray for God’s richest blessings on you, Tara and the kids. It is interesting, we are going through a huge trial right now, different type of trial, but our thoughts and feelings and dependence on God is the same. We are learning to live one moment at a time in God’s guidance and grace, as it should be. We have no idea what is going to happen in the months and years ahead, but we do know that God’s plan is ultimately what we desire, even amidst the doubts and fears. HE LOVES US SO MUCH!!!