I struggled today with parenting. A big mistake cost me some ground. Out of love I addressed an issue. Out of impatience and shortsightedness I did it poorly. I cried out for help. And in the struggle in my heart and mind, in the brokenness of my failure, I encountered God. He showed up in a letter, sitting on my bed. Perfectly timed. Divinely written. As if the sender knew my struggle, and understood it from the standpoint of my daughter. You see she was a young teen when she lost her father to cancer. Now, thousands of miles away, and over a decade of struggling with feelings and faith, she is being used by God to comfort me and give me a glimpse into the window of my daughter’s heart. And it landed in my hands today. Seriously?
Yesterday I wrote about how I was not into the Easter “story”, rather the encounters with Christ. In further reflection, I realize that the encounters could not happen without the story. Christ rose from the dead, physically. That is the story. Without that, the comfort I have felt over the last 2-3 months, is just random warm fuzzies. Comfort just like today. Not random.
Tara’s shingles pain is managed, the lesions are healing, the nausea and aching from chemo are under control. She is talking about driving soon. Could it be that we are in a rhythm of life that is sustainable? She has been back in the game as an active mother providing for her children and a parenting partner for me. Intimacy is still growing. Our new level of love is working its way though the entire family.
Regardless of the ups and downs of parenting and recovery, the Maier home has been a blast. Joy and rest are common. Fun is found in every room of the house. Work is a great release for me. I am blessed to love what I do. Each morning we wake up, we are thankful for another day. I hope we never lose that.
It always amazes me when I am surprised by God and yet I shouldn’t be. God is always loving and gracious. He is holy and just as well, so I know I cannot take it for granted. The other day I was struggling with issues my husband deals with. The pastor at the church where I work spoke into my life affirming words and offered to take my husband and I to lunch next weekend. He was concerned after meeting my husband that no one was caring for my needs and wanted a chance to visit with him in neutral territory. I felt as though I had been rescued and someone had heard the cry of my heart at last. My husband agreed to go. Please pray that my husband’s heart would be softened and he would hear what my friend has to say to him. He wants to be a friend and spiritual mentor to my husband. May God’s words reach my husband’s heart and begin to bring healing to his soul. I am so glad to hear that Tara is doing so well. I hope for a chance to visit with her soon. I love you all.