Last night I said we were 144 days into our battle. I was wrong. We were 134, now 135. Am I wishing days away? I hope not. There is so much to enjoy each day if I allow myself the joy.
Tara and I are looking outside right now at the dusk of the day. For years we did our daily walk at this time. We held hands and walked around the yard talking about plans for life. It was a time to dream. Sometimes we merely dreamed about the yard or the house. But often we dreamed about kids, trips we would take as a family, or where we would be in 5 or 10 years. We loved that time of the day that would usually commence with one of us asking the other, “Do you want to take a walk?”
What a great question. So simple but so deep. “Do you want to take a walk?” There is much implied in that question for us. It means, “Will you dream with me?” Or, “Can we get away from the chaos together?” Or, “I want you without distraction.” Or, “I want to hold your hand.” It was foreplay of sorts because the talks were always intimate, even on those walks where words were not spoken.
We are really close to getting back to those walks. One of these evenings, I will hear her say, “Do you want to take a walk?” And then I will know things are a little closer to normal.