Thankfully it was just the two of us when the car skidded in the gravel out of control and came to a stop perpendicular to the road. It was fairly simple. I was driving and the challenge was to close my eyes and trust my brother to verbally direct me from the passenger seat. As we traveled, in my mind I was veering slightly to the left and when I heard “left”, I assumed that he was affirming my suspicion, so I turned the wheel right to correct my course. In reality he was saying to turn the wheel left. You see I was already on the right shoulder and when I turned the wheel more to the right, we were instantly in trouble. He screamed. I opened my eyes to our car nearly in the ditch and swerved to stay on the road.
There we sat. My fingers tight on the steering wheel. Both of us in disbelief at what just happened. He couldn’t understand why I did the opposite of what he said, and I couldn’t understand why told me to turn more in the wrong direction. It was simple communication and we did it poorly. My assumptions weighed in and with my best intentions, I made a bad decision.
We have been saying that Tara is doing good, and she has been. But she was turned down from getting chemo today due to low blood counts. This seems contradictory to what we have been feeling and it confuses me. This is where I start assuming. I need to remove my assumptions and just listen. I may think we are on the right shoulder, but the reality is I cannot see and I do not know. And if I do anything to try to correct our course, I could really mess things up.
I must continue listening to the one who can see and who does know. God is omniscient and omni-present, meaning he knows all and is everywhere. And even more, he loves us and will continue to provide for us exactly what we need, when we need it. Sometimes that is hope, other times healing. Sometimes peace, other times understanding. So I will continue to depend on the goodness of God. This is how I will stay on course and keep this family safe.
And, as disappointing as it is, low blood counts are par for the course with chemo. Ugh…..you must be so disappointed! I remember once that my count was so low they wanted to give me a blood transfusion. Now, I have to tell you that this was around the time that people were getting AIDS from blood transfusions. All I could think of was, “that would be all I need!” My doctor was not happy when I refused the transfusion. A personal friend, she yelled at me and, (as at the time I had gone completely vegetarian) and told me that she would give me one week…….”and is she we were me, she would be eating a steak everyday!” (You can see I was not just saying yes to everything…..heheheheheheh). In this case, it was my red blood cell count (different to Tara’s issue I’m sure) but my bone marrow was completely screwed up. Anyway, I did eat those steaks and I did avoid the transfusion! Hehehehehehe.
So, my dears…..don’t be too disappointed. Keep reminding yourselves, ” it’s the cure that’s causing all this, not the cancer.”
Great analogy, Jay! But honestly, the biggest miracle(s) in your life to date have nothing to do with Tara’s cancer, but the fact that God preserved you through all the crazy stunts you pulled as a young man. The greatest evidence that God exists is that any males have survived to adulthood!
Praying for the Lord to strengthen each of you. Love you much- Navina
One of my greatest frustrations as a Christian is my own spiritual blindness. Even when I “see” spiritually, it looks fuzzy and dim. I want to see fully. It reminds me of the blind man Jesus healed as recounted in John 9. When asked whose sin had caused the man’s blindness, Jesus answered that the blindness was meant for the works of God to be displayed in him. May the works of God be displayed in your journey.
Well said my friend.