Note to Self

I have never been good at journaling.  These blogs are as close as it gets.  I hear that people learn a lot from going back and reading their journal entries.  So I gave it a shot.  I was humbled to read this from this past New Year’s eve, right before we left for Ecuador.

“There is a new sense of anticipation as we begin 2017.  But nothing is fleshed out yet, only a substantially unfinished skeleton missing critical pieces.  We have some work to do; listening, praying, and planning. We are cautiously excited. 
We felt a similar swelling of purpose and excitement as we sought him 4 years ago. But we didn’t find what we expected then. In many ways it was better because it stretched and shaped us in ways we needed, but certainly wouldn’t have chosen.”

This swelling of purpose was so evident late in 2012 when we went to Haiti as a family.  It was Thanksgiving, and cancer was diagnosed January 30.  The swelling of purpose happened again in at the end of 2016.  We were restless, sensing God moving again in our lives.

How humbling to realize that God cares for us in this way; to give us a VERY clear sense that we need to seek Him in advance of a trial.  To shore up our foundation.  To build reserves for coming strain.  Some would say we were caught off guard in both cases.  But I am beginning to recognize the voice of God in a way I haven’t before.  His voice is a calmness in chaos, a stillness in a storm.  It drew us to go seek Him twice now right before a storm in our lives.  How gracious.

Also how gracious He is to grow us.  I don’t feel that gratitude in the daily moments.  But when reflecting on this, in many ways it will be better because it will stretch and shape us in ways we need, but certainly would not choose.

Note to self: Listen for the voice of God.  Don’t run away from the storm.  Goodness is there.  Love is there.  Help is there.

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8 thoughts on “Note to Self

  1. I am glad you wrote the last line. I am glad you realize help is there. I was just praying for Tara when I got your email/ post. I have seen Him this week in His works in my life. He is there and He is full of love which I have been spreading too. I am glad you too our spreading his world of love in the chaos of life.

  2. Thankful for these words and the gentle reminder to always seek Him. He IS always there. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matt. 7:7 Praying fervently as you continue to seek Him!

  3. Amen. May God daily remind you of His faithfulness and mercies. This has certainly caused my ears to perk and seek Him today!

  4. Hello Tara and Jay~I have been thinking and praying for all of you. Thank you for your beautiful posts on this site. They give me many things to think about as well. I want to help, but just noticed your sign ups are full. I will keep checking. In the meantime, if you need an extra meal, someone to clean your home,do laundry, let me know. I know how chemo knocks you down and things start to pile up. I would be honored to help you in any way I can.

  5. Thanks Jay this is a great challenge and reminder for us all! Continuing to pray for you all. Sevie

  6. I love reading your journaling for it makes me see things differently in my own life and how God is so active in your live you are so stong what a blessing you are to us.

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