I have never been good at journaling. These blogs are as close as it gets. I hear that people learn a lot from going back and reading their journal entries. So I gave it a shot. I was humbled to read this from this past New Year’s eve, right before we left for Ecuador.
“There is a new sense of anticipation as we begin 2017. But nothing is fleshed out yet, only a substantially unfinished skeleton missing critical pieces. We have some work to do; listening, praying, and planning. We are cautiously excited.
We felt a similar swelling of purpose and excitement as we sought him 4 years ago. But we didn’t find what we expected then. In many ways it was better because it stretched and shaped us in ways we needed, but certainly wouldn’t have chosen.”
This swelling of purpose was so evident late in 2012 when we went to Haiti as a family. It was Thanksgiving, and cancer was diagnosed January 30. The swelling of purpose happened again in at the end of 2016. We were restless, sensing God moving again in our lives.
How humbling to realize that God cares for us in this way; to give us a VERY clear sense that we need to seek Him in advance of a trial. To shore up our foundation. To build reserves for coming strain. Some would say we were caught off guard in both cases. But I am beginning to recognize the voice of God in a way I haven’t before. His voice is a calmness in chaos, a stillness in a storm. It drew us to go seek Him twice now right before a storm in our lives. How gracious.
Also how gracious He is to grow us. I don’t feel that gratitude in the daily moments. But when reflecting on this, in many ways it will be better because it will stretch and shape us in ways we need, but certainly would not choose.
Note to self: Listen for the voice of God. Don’t run away from the storm. Goodness is there. Love is there. Help is there.