We stirred at 5:45 to the sound of Tara’s alarm. The reality is that we were both awake already, but we didn’t know it until that moment. Some small talk and cuddles in the few minutes before the day started. A good friend picked Tara up to go to chemo while I stayed behind to help the kids get ready for school, aka be the coffee and breakfast butler.
Tara returned home around 8:30. Her blood counts were too low to do chemo. That’s good and bad. Good in that she didn’t get chemo and bad in that she didn’t get chemo. Low counts means that she has to be careful not to get sick. She has to take extra precautions. She said she must start getting to bed early, but that didn’t happen tonight.
Tara has a different attitude this time around. By starting the treatments fresh (not after a surgery), she has more energy. She can do things that she couldn’t last time. But today reminded us that she is in the middle of a fight. We are in the middle of a fight. We were humbled today.
I told Tara, “You don’t deserve this.” She said, “You’re right, I deserve worse. I deserve death. I am a sinner and God is perfect. I am thankful I have this instead. God is so good to me”. I wish we knew where this road is taking us. One thing I do know, the road is prepared for us and will be lit in time for our next step. It won’t be lit well by a flickering 3-watt nightlight. But that’s all we’ve got on our own. The source of light is our hope. Jesus.