Broken Record

Tomorrow is Tara’s tenth chemo treatment. It is the big one this time. Taxol and Carboplatin. We’ll go in together at 7 am to meet with the Oncologist. We’ll hear what the blood tests showed and how he thinks she is doing. Then we’ll go to chemo. It will last until 11:30 or so, but I’ll head out at 9 once things are underway. We never really learn much at these appointments, but each time, we hope to find something new. A bit more hope?

Tara’s stomach has not been right all week. I have never heard a stomach so loud in all my life. The gurgling and turning is down right scary. And it hurts her. There is constant pain, followed by discouragement, followed by dread of more pain and nausea. Lets hope we find a solution tomorrow.

Do I sound like a broken record? I feel like I say this stuff all the time. The same things over and over.

It would be nice to see real, consistent, long-term progress. Ground that we can gain and stake claim to it for good. I guess this is not something we can live through, rather we have to live in it. It’s our situation. Wishing to be done may leave us discontent in the present. So we are trying to find a comfortable seat right where we are….and trust God to do what He is going to do.

When will I will get sick of blogging? Each day I say it will be my last, until I get into bed. Then my mind starts turning and I need to unload it. So I start typing….just like I did now. Do I sound like a broken record? I feel like I say this stuff all the time. The same things over and over.


36 thoughts on “Broken Record

  1. Just keep saying it Jay, over and over and over, whatever fills yours heart. And we’ll keep reading it and praying for Tara and your family.
    Sherri Bryant in Lenexa, KS

  2. Don’t quit blogging…it is one way we can all stay on the course with you and can know what to pray for. It’s not a broken record, it is an incredibly difficult journey…we appreciate your honesty…we never tire of hearing…no matter what you say. 2 Timothy 4:7… You are fighting a good fight, you are remaining faithful in this race…we are cheering you on…as long as it takes! God be your strength and encouragement. Hugs to Tara, you and the family. Mark & Brenda

  3. And this blogging helps us too, Jay. It keeps you all in the forefront of our prayers. I did not comment last night, but your positive responses (to Tara) are probably way more valuable than you realize. I remember the times I was nearly paralyzed with fear, and Neil would come up with some reason why it wasn’t as bad as I was thinking it was. It never ceased to calm my fears….never! I will be praying for tomorrow. I do hope there is a perfectly “reasonable” response to all of the stomach challenges. I know I could come up with something like, “the chemo is actively eating away at the cancer”. I tried all sorts of things to help me stay positive. If it worked I used it. For example, when I was sitting in those chemo sessions, I pictured that medicine rushing through my veins chomping into anything that got in it’s way. Stupid….but not, because that’s exactly what we want it to do! Keep on keeping on! You can do this! God’s richest blessings ……. and, by the way, this weather doesn’t help.

  4. Haven’t commented lately, but here’s one vote to continue receiving your daily thoughts. They inspire and are a joy every night. From the first til now, I can say I still – like a kid waiting for a treat – eagerly await the next update or story or anecdote. Their impact is never the same, but many thoughtful conversations have been born from your and your families words. Thank You all for sharing.

  5. Your blog keeps us “in the loop” of what’s going on with you all. In a way, allows us to carry the burden with you… allows us to be a part of your journey without us being “in your face” asking how things are going… allows us, at the very least, to pray for you, or maybe the reality is – that’s really the MOST. We have learned many things about ourselves from your honesty and because of your honesty, we have re-thought our life perspectives from down here at the “tree bottoms”. Thank you for allowing us to be part of your life through your writings. We look forward to reading them each night and pray for His glory to prevail through you. – The Havyers

  6. The book of Numbers is pretty monotonous. It’s like a broken record. I will confess now that I struggle with that book any time I attempt reading through the Bible in a given period of time. What strikes me about the book of Numbers, is that in all the monotony a phrase is repeated: “And Moses did as the Lord commanded”, or something to that effect. (I don’t have a Bible open in front of me right now.) Moses was obedient, faithful, even in the monotony. Jay and Tara, hang in there. Be faithful. Do as the Lord commands, whatever that happens to be. It might mean a night or two off (or more) of blogging, and we’ll all understand completely. Just know that your monotony is a testimony of God’s faithfulness. I witnessed it first hand when I was there with you guys. You’re walking it! Rejoice that God is using you and your monotony to bring glory to His Name, because He has allowed this to happen… and now you are to walk through it. I wish you didn’t have to have such a hard road. He will carry you through. We love you guys so much. You remain in our prayers and in the prayers of so many people.

  7. Thank you Jay for being a broken record, for spilling your guts out every day to share what you and especially Tara are feeling, hurting, praising, wondering just all the emotions ..please know that I like so many, are broken records praying and hoping for you all every day and broken records turn into beautiful music whether this is your last blog or not I will never stop playing that record.

  8. Jay,
    Are you old enough to remember vinyl records? The “broken” record was one that had a scratch that caused the needle to stick so the music would keep replaying until someone helped move the needle past the damage. So is it surprising that your song is repeating itself when you’re not past the damage yet? The song will change when your family has been lifted up by your amazing faith, your family and your friends. For now, the repetion is merely an annoyance, a sign of impatience, your reality. You will get past the scratch. Keep blogging!

    Barb H.

  9. I want you to know the impact your and Tara’s words have had on me throughout this experience. Your faith draws me closer to Him. Your day to day confidence in Him and His plan give me faith like I’ve never felt. Hearing your experiences and feelings over and over reinforces the true experience you’re living. This blog has been a blessing for me personally. Almost like a devotional.

    Today I pray that I’m able to reach out to him over and over and like a broken record, my faith in Him is constant and repeating.

  10. Like Tara said today, “the stories of how others have been encouraged through wrting our story is reason enough to keep blogging.” We are Encouraged by your perseverance in wrting. I’m praying as tomorrow’s chemo and investigation of the tummy issues ensues. I pray for you to feel the Lord’s presence and a peace that transcends understanding. That He is comforting your soul thru each moment of this night and tomorrow. Thanks for spending time with me today Tara. I look forward to the next time…soon. Lifting you up to The Lord…

  11. Broken record or not, don’t feel as though we don’t want to hear it. We are here for you. This is what I read before bed every night – when your family is doing well, I sleep well; when you struggle, I’m restless. I don’t mind being a broken record: we’re here for you. We’re here for you. We’re here for you.

    I hope the visit goes well tomorrow. Goodnight.

  12. Don’t stop, Jay! You do not sound like a broken record! What you write gives those who read it a better understanding of how we can pray for you.Sometimes I feel like the broken record when I pray for people. But not for you and Tara because every day we get a new “perspective” on what you need prayer for. Besides, you need a way to vent and your blog gives you a perfect way to do it. Will be anxiously waiting for today’s news! God bless you both with comfort, peace, physical and emotional strength, and increased faith to trust Him……just for today.

    Love, Gretchen

  13. Praying that the Lord brings Tara some comfort in her belly today so you can belly laugh together! We love you and are praying along side you!

  14. No, not a broken record, my connection to
    you and Tara and your family. I am a cancer survivor of 12 years so I feel your emotions. This blog is your out and release so blog on. I am praying for all of you. As you say often “God will sustain” and for now that has to be enough. I pray God will give you a peace and assurance that He is among you and walks with you and carries you when you need it. I pray He surrounds you in His glorious love and you feel his arms around you providing a resting place when rest seems very distant.
    Praying daily

  15. No way. We all are just happy to hear from you; to hear of the steps one day at a time. Oh, and put a pin in the map at Prior Lake, MN (o:

  16. Praying for Tara today. Lifting you Jay and the kids up in prayer as well. May you continue to inspire us with your thoughts and blogs. We appreciate the work you put in it knowing full well it is Holy Spirit driven. He gives you the strength even when you feel tanked out. Thank you for your gift of sharing your thoughts and letting us walk this journey with you. God bless.

  17. Jay, you are far from a broken record. Your daily reflections are inspiring and powerful. Your words give sight. Your words give voice. I am grateful you are willing to share to your heart with all who love and care about Tara.

    “Be of good courage, and He shall stregthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.”
    Psalm 31:24

  18. Jay,
    Please don’t feel like you are sounding like a broken record! You are sharing your heart with brothers and sisters in Christ who love you and Tara and your children because- we are part of one family, God’s family. When you hurt- we hurt and more than that- we feel what you are feeling because we want to and because we want to know how to pray for you and Tara. We are all in this together so keep on blogging! Hopefully God will use us to encourage you and Tara during this difficult time! Love, Sandy Carlson

  19. Dearest Tara and Jay– my heart is filled with love and prayers for you and sadness that I can’t share more of your pain. I pray that the chemo will go well for you ,Tara, and that you can receive some encouraging news, and more especially, relief from your pain.
    Jay, God has blessed you with your gift of blogging, being able to relieve your mind a bit– please keep it going– it is such a wonderful connection with all of you since we are far away in miles.
    I ( I hope you receive this comment because my computer has been aacting up– sometimes it doesn’t send or receive! )
    We love you so very much! God Bless You!
    Aunt Gail

  20. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
    New King James Version (NKJV)

    In Thessalonians is says “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks.” I have marveled at how you have had several posts where you all have given thanks for the challenges. I, and many, have a difficult time being faithful to do that. However, I embrace in the fact that God loves us and doesn’t grow “tired” in hearing our prayers over and over. Know that many people do not grow tired in hearing your needs and struggles. Praying for you all.

  21. I echo the comments of the others. While I wouldn’t wish that you feel obligated to blog, it’s valuable for us to know what to pray for. I don’t think it’s repetitive all all, but even if you feel the need to cut and paste from old blogs, we’d like to hear what’s happening and what are your struggle and needs.
    In daily prayer

  22. The record you are playing is a beautiful symphony. Some sections quiet, some mournful, some exhuberant and bright, some fast, some slow, and, some sections repeat. Several times. Keep playing the record – I enjoy listening.

  23. “Hope Now”
    Addison Road

    And when my life is like a storm
    Rising waters all I want is the shore
    You say I’ll be OK
    Make it through the rain
    You are my shelter from the storm

    Everything rides on hope now
    Everything rides on faith somehow
    When the world has broken me down
    Your love sets me free

    I am not my own
    I’ve been carried by you all my life

  24. Hi Maiers. Please look at this website. It is the most valuable and extensive website I have read for all stages of cancer treatment. Natural cures. Much love and blessings.

  25. I prayed for you this morning that your appointments and chemo went well. I have been reading 2 Chronicles lately. Not my favorite book of the bible but you know there are messages in every corner. In chapters 31 & 32, Hezekiah’s message to his people made me think of you. vs 7 & 8 “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged.” “With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles.” You have people all over the world praying for you as you fight this battle but God is always right by your side. God bless.

  26. Oh Jay, did David feel like a broken record? If he knew what that was, he would have! and yet, we are blessed by his words and his heart, all these years later. You and Tara are blessing SO many by your faith and by your blog, so thank you for writing from your heart! You truly are a family after God’s own heart! We are praying you feel His Presence in a special way today! God bless!

  27. The body of Christ is with you, through this. We endure together. Praising God for His provision through your Rochester family. Our family loves you so much!

  28. You must get tired of hearing what an inspiration you are, but you are truly sharing something special with us, letting us pray for you, and letting us see your faithfulness to God and His faithfulness to you.. Trust me, it never gets old to hear someone say “And the Lord sustained us again today.” Praying for God’s abundant blessings on all of you.

  29. I’m not sure if you’re supposed to take a break from blogging or not, but I hope you don’t! Thank you for keeping us informed on how to pray and thank you for exalting Jesus day by day.

  30. Would you rather I ‘harass’ you all the time asking how y’all are doing? 🙂
    Nah, we can listen to the same record over & over again, especially when it reflects our own struggles. And it is NOT broken!
    Polish it a bit, it’ll be like reading Psalms….;o)

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