She sits on our bed and watches out the window, like she does every evening after dinner. She loves the birds; cardinals are her favorite. And the trees; especially the ones we labored to plant. She expectantly waits for spring. The sun and fresh air have always been therapeutic for her and this year it has been hard to come by. Her heart is thankful for what we have.
But her body is tired of being sick. The discomfort of a gut that isn’t working right. The resulting inability to eat well. The fatigue of doing simple tasks. Honestly we both thought she would be much further along by now. I imagined us being able to take spring walks by mid April. Maybe spring knew we would not quite be ready and that is why it waited.
We cannot be too discouraged. She smiles regularly. I occasionally even get a laugh. She is up throughout the day and involved in the kids lives. She enjoys the dog, her friends and time with me. There is a lot of joy daily. Its kind of weird to think that life is pretty darn good.
The weight on me is getting heavy. Business will soon be in its busiest season. I feel the need to be both home and at work and the tension is…well….its tense. Both places need me and by the end of the day, I have nothing left to give. My mind and body are able to be efficient, but my heart bears the weight of being insufficient, especially at home.
Prayers for us should shift. It seems like we have prayed everything we can pray about Tara’s healing. We feel that God is answering those prayers through the cancer numbers going in the right direction. Now we need prayers for endurance in discomfort (and relief from it), wisdom at home, provision at work. We need prayers for spiritual renewal. This is day 83, and God is even more faithful to us. We will trust him again to answer our new prayers.