Lovable

My parents instilled in me a love for marriage. As a young boy, I remember thinking about being married one day. I longed for it. I wanted to share my life with someone that I loved. As a middle schooler, I began praying for my wife. I strived for purity for my wife. I learned to work hard so I could provide for my wife. As I hear myself say all this, it seems so old fashioned. But I don’t care. Tara doesn’t either.

When I met Tara in college, The boyhood longing I had for a wife seemed to get lost, and all I felt was love. I wanted to spend time with her; to talk to her; to get to know her. Getting married was the furthest thing from my mind. I remember the day that I connected the dots. She could be the one. The one I had prayed for; the one I wanted to provide for; the one I saved myself for. It was an amazing day and life got richer.

I looked Tara in the eyes tonight and I reminded her again about all of this. She was silent. Not cold and emotionless. But not mushy with tears either. She heard it and understood it, but chose not to engage the conversation further. That is okay. I didn’t say it to evoke an emotion or response; simply to tell her how I still feel about her. It is hard for her right now to fully grasp how much I still love her; everything about her. She doesn’t feel lovable.

The beautiful weather today was really good for Tara. She sat outside much of the day, soaking in the sun. She cheerfully greeted several friends who stopped by to pick up or drop off kids. She interacted joyfully with kids. We got out early in the day together for a car ride. But she fought nausea again today. Especially later in the day, food didn’t sound too great, and laying in bed seemed to be the best relief. So she did exactly that from about 6 pm on.

Tomorrow begins a new week. Just like I looked forward to Tara as a middle schooler, before I knew her, I also look forward to her this week. I look forward to sharing my life with her, I pray for her, I want to provide for her, and so on. So this is my thought this evening as I lay beside the love of my life. She doesn’t feel lovable, but oh my is she wrong.

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6 thoughts on “Lovable

  1. You bring tears to my eyes, Jay. Not only the tears of one who is reading this great story but also the tears of hope! Let the sun shine this week!

  2. Well, Jay this was a sweet sweet post to read. That Tara is one “lucky” lady.
    Today is another sunny day and maybe she will feel better as the hours pass. Certainly the colors and the sounds of the birds will make her feel better.
    I prayed for her first thing this morning. I believe God will heal her.
    Now go work hard! Earn those bananas!

  3. So beautiful! Somehow, Jay, it seems you have captured what just about any woman could ever dream of in a husband. So thankful God blessed Tara with you. Not every man could feel so much love; fewer still could express it so beautifully and selflessly. Thanks for setting the standard high and showing it can be reached.

  4. Jay, your parents raised you well, I truly believe that God has blessed you both with such a powerful love for one another and for your family, but more importantly your powerful love for Him. You both are teaching your children by words and discussions, but also by example. As I stated at your wedding rehearsal dinner (with tears and broken speech), when I seen you two together when you were on the Bethel band trip and you visited me in San Diego, I could see the great love that was being created between you both. I am so thankful to God that he has brought you to her, I know that you love her with all your heart & soul and for that I am thankful. It brings great comfort these days to know that you are her provider and care giver, with God’s word, perfect grace, and strength guiding you along the journey.

    We both know that my sister is very loveable, I would venture to say that many more believe the same thing, her feeling like she may not be loveable, probably makes her even more lovable! I was glad to get a text from her today that she was outside soaking up some sunshine. Only wish I could have been sitting there with her, enjoying the sun and Lewis sharing his grapes with her! Thanks Jay for being a great brother-in-law, husband, and father to my great nieces & nephew! Great, now I have this in writing & I can’t deny it! lol Love you 7 Maiers! Continued prayers for strength, comfort, and healing!

  5. For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. 2 Chronicles 16:9

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