Complicated

Today Tara was discouraged. She had treatment this afternoon. She was poked 5 times because her veins aren’t holding up like they once did and once the medicine pooled down in her hand and swelled it up. They say that rarely happens. Well they also said that about shingles, fluid build up in the abdomen, and more. She is tired of being called “complicated”. Why can’t it just be simple for once.

But we are nearing the end of chemotherapy. It could be that today was the last combo (Carboplatin and Taxol) treatment and that July 5 is the last Taxol treatment. If not July 5, then one more round to July 26. Dr. Bible is still reluctant to say for sure. The balance between giving Tara enough treatment to kill the cancer and not so much that her body fails in other ways is tricky. The cancer numbers are still going in the right direction and the nutrition and organ function numbers are still holding at mediocre.

So we begin the weekend on empty. We need to be filled. We need time with each other, time by ourselves with God, time to sit and read, time to play with the kids, time to do some chores, time to worship, time to fellowship with friends. We need to recharge our souls so we can handle another week.

Recharging is complicated. What works for me won’t for Tara. What worked for me last week, may not work this week. What recharges me may drain the kids. It is a complicated balance that requires honest communication throughout the weekend.

But it will happen. We will make it; mainly because we cannot stop it from coming or going. And we will handle it in stride, one day at a time.

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5 thoughts on “Complicated

  1. I know it’s not one piece of help to say, “I know exactly what you mean”, but I do and it is this knowledge that has kept me accountable in prayer (for you all, but especially Tara) like never before. You guys are a mountain of strength even when you think you are not! You can do this!

  2. Uff da. No one wants you, Tara, or your family in this situation of being complicated that’s for sure. Today I gave a quick bath in the utility sink to our puppies. When I put little 3.5 pound Lucy over that little bit of water in the sink, she did that instinctual move of swimming before her feet hit the water. It’s unreal that they do that swimming thing. It’s in their (dogs) DNA to swim when or even before hitting the water! Creative creator. Amazing God. God has also designed us with an instinct to fill that hole that was left in us by our separation from God in this body. No matter how deep the water or high the waves, water is water. No matter how you recharge as a family made up of individuals, just seek Him in all of it. He calms the storm and takes the fear away. Praying for you as I listen to yet another storm outside the open windows! “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. — Isaiah 43:2

  3. You are not so “complicated” Tara. Take heart. Same things happened to me with the veins and pooling. Chemo affects your veins and after using the same ones enough there is some scarring. Happy for you that you are close to ending the chemo. You are going through a tough time right now but we will keep on praying that God will remove that awful stuff from your body.

  4. Good morning … please know we are with you everyday as we read your blog and please know we continue to pray for each one of you everyday! …. but, no, we don’t write a comment everyday. … and yes, we want you to continue to write everyday as it keeps us informed and up-to-date with your family. We certainly know what is like to feel that ‘need’ for encouragement and support, so today we write and try in a small way to say keep ‘pressin’ on in the name of the ONE ALMIGHTY GOD – who gives us strength! We ARE with you even though we are miles away and are so thankful for the power of prayer which keeps us in touch with you and with Him! P.S. We were so blessed to be with Tara’s mom and dad yesterday afternoon and early evening! They are such true and longtime friends!! Bless you all. Ed and Julie

  5. When I heard the raging storm during the night last night, I prayed for protection for your home and your trees. Thankfully, the storm ended within a reasonable period of time. The storm for you guys is persisting….and persisting. I’m so thankful you’ve had little breaks here and there where you’ve had a chance to regain your footing and catch your breath, and even see a few rays of sunshine breaking through the clouds. But it is getting long. Battle-fatigue is showing, predictably. Wishing there was a way to lighten your load; praying that God will do it as only he is able.
    Love and peace, Becca

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