We had some good rest this weekend and a chance this afternoon to just talk about life. The talks usually start after the door gets locked. We lay on the bed; this time with covers still messed up from last night’s sleep. Tara lays on her back, and me on my stomach, feet hanging off the end of the bed, scooting my head close enough to hers where a whisper will do. This is just the pattern. Multiple times we respond to knocks on the door. “What do you need?” It could be anything, from tattling to “Can I have a snack?”
Most days lately have not been like this one. We have been living “regular”, if there is such a thing. We have been going about our business as if nothing is wrong. Tara has been feeling great. This day, though, Tara was down physically so it caused us to pause. And that is not all bad.
We want so bad to be intentional about our lives, but that seems too hard. I don’t know if it is just an excuse, but we talked about simply living in the moment of each day instead of planning so far ahead. There may be things we overlook, but I think we will most easily have peace and joy along the way by doing it this way.
We discussed parenting, and that the most important thing to us is to take our kids on a path that will most likely result in an impacting encounter with Jesus. This could be that path, we pray. We disagreed on some details of this journey, and some tough things were said; and we wrestled with them, finally meeting at a place where we could both land.
Tears always fall in talks like these. Sometimes from feelings of failure and missed opportunity, and other times, from pain. Tears alternate between hers and mine; each at our own time being strong for the other. This kind of intimacy is only found in mutual suffering. It is one of the many blessings of cancer.
So this day will go down as a good one; one we will remember. One that reminded us again that we must wait patiently for the Lord, and he will listen to us and hear our cry. He will bring us out of this trial; out of the muck and mire. And he will set our feet on a rock and make our footing firm. He will put a new song in our mouth, one of praise to our God. And as a result, many will see and fear the Lord and will put their trust in him. – Psalm 40:1-3
Living intentionally is so difficult at times. Patience can wear thin and hope can turn to despair; however, God is always in control. We share a different kind of frustration today. The closing on the farm in KS has been delayed a week and Gene’s car needs to go to the shop for repairs. That means we share my 15 year old van which looks like a rust bucket, but runs beautifully. I choose to laugh and thank God for my rust bucket today. May God’s will be done in all our lives and may we always remember to love each other. I see you doing that. Loving God and loving others are the two most important things we can do. God will show us the rest in His time.
Dear Tara & Jay, Thanks for your willingness to journal and share it with us. You are both beautiful, strong, and just awesome. Tara, I continue to pray for your healing, for strength, and peace. Asking God to give you what you need for this day. You are an amazing wife, mother, daughter, and friend. You are an inspiration and running the race marked out for you so well. God is your guide, your strength, your hope, your peace, and it shows to all who know you. Blessings and love, Jean Parsley
Thank you for your continuing honesty and willingness to share your feelings with all of your friends during this stressful time.