Remnants of a party surround us. Vases of flowers. A freezer full of sweets. A folded tent waiting to be picked up. And memories of a great time. But like every good thing, it came to an end and now life goes on.
Tara is putting on some weight. She was bragging to me just now how she finally has some fat. Yeah fat! She was supposed to have her last chemo today, postponed from last week, and once again her counts were too low to do it again. Evidently this is common toward the end of a chemo regimen.
We are starting to feel like it is time to be done….with mixed emotion. On one hand she cannot wait to start running, stop feeling tired, grow some hair, and more. But on the other hand, we are wondering how we will feel to not be doing anything to fight the cancer. It will be just ‘wait and see’ each month at the blood tests and periodic scans. It will be a whole new challenge for us.
Living in fear is not an option. It has potential to rule a life, but it won’t ours. I sure talk tough. All I am hoping is that my heart will follow my tongue. So we’ll keep saying the right thing and pray that we can do this next phase well. Friday we have an appointment with the Oncologist to discuss the next steps. We’ll keep you posted.
I think I’ve said this before but definitely one of the scariest times (for me) was when they took me off my “insurance program” (the chemo). I actually begged them (I know it’s almost unimaginable) to let me stay on the chemo permanently.
It’s just another one of those times when we have no choice but to “cling to God’s coat tails”…… Another of my ridiculous descriptions but it was times like this that I felt like I was “just clinging” (like holding on to the branches of a tree with everything I’ve got)……. I had no choice.
On the other hand, to be reminded in such a tangible way of how (literally) you are encircled with people who love you and an absolute “moat” of prayer……is a wonder to behold.
I am still reminded of a couple of elderly people in our (Austalian) church who (years later) told me that they still prayed for me every day. Yes, Neil and I had taken off on new adventures, never forgetting but not allowing it to dominate our decisions…..and yet, unbeknownst to me, there were these matriarchs and patriarchs who felt their job was to never stop praying! I am determined to pay that forward, Tara!
I had a chance to meet your wife one day outside of pan era… I am another ovarian cancer fighter and surviver. Its funny today was my last day of chemo.. was lucky that my oncologist said I could skip the last one…as happy as it was for me I too have had the same feeling… that’s it …. now what do I do…. after 18 weeks now your done !!! Its a great and scarey feeling all in one. Just when I was getting used to my new normal, now its another new normal to get used to. I guess the true thanks is I am still abily to live a new normal. Much love and prayers for your family as you walk this journey. If Tara needs anything or would like to talk from one surviver to another just let me know. As someone told me just today… ov,arian cancer doesn’t, just happen to older ladies… it happens to us also…. the young mothers of America. From one teal lady to another…god speed … in his love, Renee hacker I work at hy-vee south in the floral department if you need anything 🙂
Loved being with you Tara and the kids. The girls and I were so blessed. Lauren is cherishing her bookmark from Esther. Tara you look radiant and strong! Keep eating the Haagen Daaz! I can’t wait to hear about your running. Praying continuously-we love you all!!!