Tonight we had a great family gathering on our bed. There are bibles on the headboard that are getting more worn every day; journals that we started at the new year (which I am not doing too good at); a Harvard Business Review; a few CDs and seemingly endless clutter. This place seems to be the place where we let our feelings just kind of “plop” out. I think our filter must be broken in there, because when we feel it, we say it. That is not always good but it was tonight.

Tonight we read to our kids the comments people posted on the blog over the last few days. It made us cry a bit (okay, a lot) as we were overwhelmed by the support of people. Most of this support is mottled with scripture and this is one of the reasons we wanted our kids to hear. We want them to know that mom and dad cannot make it without the power of God, shown often through scripture and his people. I am quite certain that one of the ways God intends to use this trial is to lay claim to the lives of our children. We have introduced them to Jesus, but they have to encounter Him and develop a relationship with Him on their own. This journey will likely be pivotal for them. I am excited for that.

The following is a list of things our kids have said over the last few days. Some comically irrelevant. Some deep. Some painful.

1. After Lewis kissed Tara and got a worried look he said “Mommy, is cancer contagious?”

2. When we told our 3 youngest ones last week about mommy’s condition, we asked if they had any questions. One said quickly as if not listening “Can I have a play date this weekend?”

3. “Esther what makes you mad?” “When there is more crying in our house than laughing. Crying makes me think of bad things and laughing, good things.” (I made the promise that I would try to change that.)

4. Lewis said, “Mommy can I pray over you.” and ended his prayer with “…help me to be a godly man. In Jesus name, Amen”

5. “Mommy, I am afraid you will not come home from the hospital.”

6. “Dad, I had a dream that I was talking with God about mom and He said she would be okay.”

7. “Dad, is Elvis the boogie man?” “Why do you ask that?” “Because he boogies.”

This is part of the richness of life I spoke about late last week all bottled up in a handful of words. I have to say that we are blessed to have this opportunity to experience life at this level.

Today we spoke with the surgeons who will be operating on Tara. They plan to open her up on Thursday in a 6-8 hour surgery to remove as much cancer as possible as well as her “goods” and potentially some non-essential organs. They will start chemotherapy as soon as possible after that.

Please pray that Tara get’s rest and that her body is nourished. know that your words of encouragement through our blog are part of what sustains us. We read them regularly. Don’t forget to make us laugh too. We need that in our home.

Our oldest daughter Micalyn (7th grade) runs cross country for Mayo. This past year was our first experience at meets and we were amazed at the number of other kids we knew. Tara was at all the meets, cheering for Micalyn, and the other kids to push them through the tough times. Now it is time for everyone to be there for her running along the course yelling, “Go, Tara! You’re gonna make it! You’re halfway there! Two more miles! The finish line is in sight!” I can’t wait to celebrate at the finish line! (Edited from Jennifer da Silvas comments on 2/2/13)

But for now we are just starting the race. We need your help. We cannot make it otherwise. We have real-life pain but real-life hope in a faithful God. Please join me in cheering Tara on. Pray that Tara can get enough protein and other nourishment before surgeries this week. Pray that the plan of action determined tomorrow at 8:30 gives her the best chance for remission. Pray for skill, precision and endurance for the surgeons who will be working on her.

We have Tara’s parents in town this week and my parents next week so we are in good shape with our kids. We have been blessed with an abundance of food. If you want to help, a friend is setting up sign up lists that you can access right on this site.

Stay tuned tomorrow for our plan plan of action. God is faithful. We trust him.

Over the last few days I have heard scripture that has come alive and words from my woman (if you allow me to call Tara that) that have amazed me. The depth of her faith and character don’t surprise me as I have lived with her for quite some time. Its the consistency in this time that is so amazing. The following are phrases that have struck me as life-changing from Him and her.

HE SAID: “Don’t be anxious about your life, as to what you should eat, or what you shall drink; nor for your body, as to what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?”

SHE SAID: “So much for wanting a young body. Now I just want a body.” “It is humbling to ask someone for pregnancy clothes again.” “God, I trust you.”

HE SAID: “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me, yet not My will but Yours be done.”

SHE SAID: “I don’t want to go through this. It was not what we had planned. But this is my time, a cup I must bear and I am okay with it, whatever the outcome.”

HE SAID: “…the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words….And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God.”

SHE SAID: “I don’t even know how to pray because it hurts my heart so bad. But I trust that God will take care of me.”

Now I like the scriptures that she is reminded of and I too claim them. However, I am more inclined right now to rally around the scriptures that refer to battle and spiritual warfare and defeating the enemy. We are up for a battle and I fully expect us to win. Pray with us for victory over cancer and healing in Tara’s body. Pray for wisdom for the doctors on Monday as they plot the exact course.

On Christmas this past year, Tara exhibited flu-like symptoms for a few days. We thought she may have picked something up in Haiti the month before and her body was dealing with it. Over the past couple of weeks the discomfort climaxed in abdominal swelling that reminded her of pregnancy, as if 5 were not enough. On Wednesday we learned the swelling was due to cancer and today we learned the extent of it. She has an ovarian-like cancer in stage 4 that was found to have multiple tumors throughout her abdomen and one near her lung. We had hoped for an easier road but trust God in the path he has set before us.

We need your prayers and your help as we face imminent surgeries and chemotherapy. On Monday the thinktank will convene to plot the course of treatment. Here is what we praise God for so far.

1. What Tara thought she was training for in running, proved to be God’s way of preparing her for battle with cancer.
2. We have a great family who love God and will support us. This includes a group of friends that we call our church.
3. We have hope in a God who consistently defies the physical laws of this universe and can heal Tara. He placed us in Rochester, the premier cancer treatment place in the world. We have confidence that He can heal Tara.
4. We just had the 2 best days of our life. At the dinner table watching our children; listening to their conversation; looking into each others eyes; holding each others hands; hugging; kissing; crying and laughing. We had missed out on that depth of living for over 19 years of marriage.

We’ll keep you posted here.

I waited patiently for the Lord and he inclined to me and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of the horrible pit, out of the miry clay. And He set my feet on a rock, making my steps firm. And He put a new song in my heart, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and will trust in the Lord. How blessed is the man who has made the Lord his trust.